Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
