Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
