Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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