Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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