Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
