I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
