Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
