One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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