i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
