he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
