I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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