oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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