yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
