He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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