Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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