just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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