i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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