There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
