apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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