I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm at about main and main street
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
