The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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