If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
