What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
