I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
