she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize