I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize