so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
