ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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