Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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