I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Randomize
