small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
