hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
