Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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