You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize