i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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