Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
