I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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