apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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