you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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