I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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