I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize