woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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