That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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