Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
