Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
