Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
