p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
