Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
