You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize