Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this just has baby written all over it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
