so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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