Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
