K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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