I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
