I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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