do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
