was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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