READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
