I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How's work?
Spinning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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