he thought i was a dude.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
